Keith's words fail
by GracefulRavenFeathers
Summary: The plot of DEH isn't important to this story, I just used song lyrics from it. Keith's words fail as he tries to explain a suicide attempt.


**Hey guys. Had this idea. Thought it was gonna be an angst fest, but the end turned out kinda fluffy.**

* * *

Keith looked down at his bandaged arms. The other paladins sat around his hospital bed, looks ranging from concerned (Pidge), to heartbroken (Hunk), to angry (Lance). He was still alive. And now he had to explain why he tried to end it all.

"I never meant to make it such a mess." Keith's quiet statement echoed through the uncomfortable silence. "I never thought that it would go this far." Shiro's face was unreadable, so Keith lowered his gaze again. "So I just sit here, sorry, searching for something to say."

"Words fail, words fail. There's nothing I can say. I guess I thought I could be part of this," he said, referring to Voltron. He was a loner, just like everyone had told him. "I never had this kind of thing before. I never had that perfect girl, who somehow could see the good part of me," He made eye contact with Pidge, who avoided his gaze. He looked at his hands again. "I never had the dad who stuck it out; No corny jokes or baseball gloves. No mom who was there."

Keith looked up at Allura, who seemed confused still. "That's not a worthy explanation. I know there is none. Nothing can make sense of all these things I've done." He let out a shaky breath.

"Words fail, words fail. There's nothing I can say," Keith continued, and looked at Lance. The blue paladin was scowling at him. "Except sometimes, you see everything you wanted, and sometimes, you see everything you wish you had, and it's right there, right there, right there in front of you." Keith laugh was strained and breathy. "And you want to believe it's true...so you make it true."

Keith's purple eyes skimmed the semicircle of people surrounding him. "And you think, 'maybe everybody wants it and needs it, a little bit too.' Me being part of Voltron was just a sad invention. It isn't real, I know." He sighed.

"Lance would be better at piloting Red, and Allura should have blue. But we were happy...I guess I couldn't let that go. I guess I couldn't give that up.I guess I wanted to believe, 'cause if I just believe then I don't have to see what's really there.

"No, I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts," Keith began sniffing, fighting off the offending moisture in his eyes. "Pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am 'cause then I don't have to look at it, and no one gets to look at it. No, no one can really see…"

A fierce passion entered Keith's tone, and he felt all his deepest emotions spill out in yell. "'Cause I've learned to slam on the brake before I even turn the key! Before I make the mistake! Before I lead with the worst of me!" Keith cut off with a choked sob, refusing to look at anyone's reaction.

"I never let them see the worst of me," Keith nearly whispered. "'Cause what if everyone saw? What if everyone knew? Would they like what they saw? Or would they hate it too?" The words hung in the air, and someone let out a strangled sob.

"Will I just keep on running away from what's true? All I ever do is run so how do I step into the sun?" Keith questioned quietly. Suddenly, all Keith could comprehend was an arm-and-lapfull of Pidge. She was shaking and clinging to him, and Keith didn't know what to do.

"S-sorry Pidge, I…" Keith stammered, trying to apologize for making her cry. But she suddenly froze in his hesitant arms. She sat up stiffly and looked the injured boy right in the eyes

"Don't. You. _Dare_. Don't you dare apologize! Keith, no one should have to feel the way you do. It's not fair that you have so much to deal with. And I know you've probably heard this a million times from lots of people, but suicide isn't the answer. You shouldn't keep your destructive feelings bottled up, or this will happen again, and we might not be able to save you."

Keith's eyes tickled with tears. "I never had anyone tell me that. My school counselors and teachers had looked at me as a lost cause, and then my dad died, and my mom has always been gone, and Shiro was gone; declared dead. I...I knew I would always be alone."

Hunk, who was already crying, took a shuddering breath and enveloped Keith and Pidge in a bear hug. "Keith," he hoarsely whispered in the other boy's ear, "I would miss you. No one deserves to fade away like that. You are important."

Next, Shiro joined the cuddle puddle, murmuring a simple yet powerful sentiment. "You matter to me Keith." His strong arms made Keith feel safe, protected. They pushed Pidge and Hunk closer, and the warmth intensified. Coran and Allura come behind him, tears streaming, and fenced in the love.

There was only one person who had yet to join the hug. Lance had been the one to find Keith after his attempt, and had been insanely angry ever since. Keith wasn't sure why, but he had a theory.

"I disgust you," Keith stated, and Lance stiffened. "You see me the way I see me, and you hate it too." His voice gained volume as he continued, and Lance stayed rooted in place. "How dare I, Keith Kogane, top of his class, pilot of the Red lion, defender of the universe, dare to try and kill himself!" His voice broke, and the circle of comfort tightened around him.

"No."

Lance took a step forward. "There is a 'How Dare You' coming, but it isn't about that. I've been angry and confused because I can't believe you think so lowly of yourself. But my question is this-'How dare you think so lowly of _us.'_ We all care so deeply about you Keith. If we'd known about this we would have reminded you every day. And maybe it's on us that we didn't notice. But we care. I care. I see you the way you are-not the way you think you are perceived, and not even how you perceive yourself. You are a strong person. You are good. You need us. But we need _you_."

The blue paladin launched himself at the group hug, and Keith laughed. Everyone hugged and cuddled and cried and laughed for hours. Finally, everyone headed to the commons area for a huge slumber party. As they walked, Pidge said something that would affect his life forever.

"You don't have to run anymore, Keith. Step into the sun."

* * *

 **So there you go. I second what Pidge said. Stay alive ll-/, its worth it. I know that sometimes it feels like it would be better to fade away, but it isn't true. Stay safe frens**

 **RN**


End file.
